Monday, March 9, 2009

my 24 hour case of syphillis

College.. They say it's the time to experiment. Experiment with drugs, experiment with alcohol, and experiment with sex, if that's what you might get into, college is your time to throw your inhibitions to the wind and do whatever you want. I'm one of those people who said why not, and boy do I have some stories to tell. So let's begin...

all of these stories are 100% factual. As far fetched as these sound, these stories are true. Now lets get right into the story.

Thursday night as a Junior in college. No class on Friday, so I am going to go out and enjoy the night. Rough week of school, two exams, and didn't do well on either one. I am 21 so I am going to go out and "tie one on" tonight.

A friend of mine invited me to his birthday party. Great I thought, I can go get drinks for free and not spend as much money at the bar that night. The theme for a party was a highlighter party. "Great, another shirt ruined; it better be worth it." I showered, put on my white shirt, and went to the party.

We get there and there are way more people there than originally expected. An entire sorority is there, so I'm thinking to myself that it will definitely be worth it to get this shirt written on by some very attractive females. I pick one out that is, shall we say, very well endowed and very friendly and we start talking. I write on her shirt and she writes on mine. It is after we split up that I realized she wrote her phone number on my shirt. With the confidence levels up because of that and a stomach full of vodka, I fell like it is time for me to go to the bar. Problem was I didn't have another shirt. "Fuck it this shirt works for me," and me and my buddy head out into the cold.

The bar that we are talking about I work at, so we didn't have to wait in line, and we got cheap drinks and got even more liquored up. It's about one in the morning and i am feeling "snockered" and I start dancing with this girl. She looked cute through my beer goggles, so I was happy. She then goes to the bathroom, and my friend and coworker says to me, "Dude, that girl has slept with two people we work with, I recommend staying away from her." Me in my infinite wisdom say that she doesn't want to go home with me anyways and that we are just dancing.

She comes back and we dance some more and she pulls a marker out of my pocket and starts writing on my shirt. When she is done I give it a read, and she wrote; "So are you gonna invite me over tonight?" After I read that I grab her and we basically spring out the door and go back to my place, completely ignoring my friend. So we are in my room making out and having some fun, when I say, "Hey let's go in the shower, it will be hot as shit." She of course agrees and in the shower we go at three in the morning.

The shower lasted probably about an hour and a half, and you can use your imagination as to what went on there, although I will say that I am surprised anyone in the dorm fell asleep that night. Condoms are not effective in the shower, so we just didn't think to use them. Probably not one of my better ideas.

She left Friday morning and I felt amazing. I had just gotten laid by a pretty-attractive girl. Friday afternoon came and went without any incident. During dinner Friday night I started feeling my throat tighten up a little bit, but I didn't think it was a big deal. Then Friday night I started getting clammy and pale and sweaty. I couldn't swallow anything (that's what she said... sorry I couldn't resist) so I laid down in bed and fell asleep at nine in the evening. I work up periodically throughout the night to try and drink some water, but nothing would go down.

Saturday morning I could not have felt worse. I couldn't move, couldn't lay on my stomach cause it hurt, couldn't swallow, i felt like an invalid. My friends tried to help me figure out what was going on. They asked me my symptoms and looked up stuff on Web MD that I thought was going to help me. Little did I know that they were looking at STD's to find out if I matched the symptoms. They went in alphabetical order and finally hit one with syphilis, and I remember one of the girls whispering... "Oh my God, he has syphilis!!" It was supposed to be quiet, but I still heard her loud and clear. The entire day Saturday went like this, with me trying (and failing) to drink some water, but it wasn't happening. I went to sleep at about 8 on Saturday night feeling absolute shit.

I awoke at noon on Sunday morning and the first thing I did was go drink some water. Not only could I make it to the water fountain, but I could actually swallow some water, and let me tell you, dorm water never tasted so good in my life. I went and ate breakfast and felt fine. None of my friends could explain what happened to me, but I went to the rec and worked out that day as if nothing happened. It was a freak incident that hasn't happened since and I hope will never happen again. Ever since then whenever I have been with a girl, I have made sure I have used a condom.

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