Monday, March 9, 2009

my 24 hour case of syphillis

College.. They say it's the time to experiment. Experiment with drugs, experiment with alcohol, and experiment with sex, if that's what you might get into, college is your time to throw your inhibitions to the wind and do whatever you want. I'm one of those people who said why not, and boy do I have some stories to tell. So let's begin...

all of these stories are 100% factual. As far fetched as these sound, these stories are true. Now lets get right into the story.

Thursday night as a Junior in college. No class on Friday, so I am going to go out and enjoy the night. Rough week of school, two exams, and didn't do well on either one. I am 21 so I am going to go out and "tie one on" tonight.

A friend of mine invited me to his birthday party. Great I thought, I can go get drinks for free and not spend as much money at the bar that night. The theme for a party was a highlighter party. "Great, another shirt ruined; it better be worth it." I showered, put on my white shirt, and went to the party.

We get there and there are way more people there than originally expected. An entire sorority is there, so I'm thinking to myself that it will definitely be worth it to get this shirt written on by some very attractive females. I pick one out that is, shall we say, very well endowed and very friendly and we start talking. I write on her shirt and she writes on mine. It is after we split up that I realized she wrote her phone number on my shirt. With the confidence levels up because of that and a stomach full of vodka, I fell like it is time for me to go to the bar. Problem was I didn't have another shirt. "Fuck it this shirt works for me," and me and my buddy head out into the cold.

The bar that we are talking about I work at, so we didn't have to wait in line, and we got cheap drinks and got even more liquored up. It's about one in the morning and i am feeling "snockered" and I start dancing with this girl. She looked cute through my beer goggles, so I was happy. She then goes to the bathroom, and my friend and coworker says to me, "Dude, that girl has slept with two people we work with, I recommend staying away from her." Me in my infinite wisdom say that she doesn't want to go home with me anyways and that we are just dancing.

She comes back and we dance some more and she pulls a marker out of my pocket and starts writing on my shirt. When she is done I give it a read, and she wrote; "So are you gonna invite me over tonight?" After I read that I grab her and we basically spring out the door and go back to my place, completely ignoring my friend. So we are in my room making out and having some fun, when I say, "Hey let's go in the shower, it will be hot as shit." She of course agrees and in the shower we go at three in the morning.

The shower lasted probably about an hour and a half, and you can use your imagination as to what went on there, although I will say that I am surprised anyone in the dorm fell asleep that night. Condoms are not effective in the shower, so we just didn't think to use them. Probably not one of my better ideas.

She left Friday morning and I felt amazing. I had just gotten laid by a pretty-attractive girl. Friday afternoon came and went without any incident. During dinner Friday night I started feeling my throat tighten up a little bit, but I didn't think it was a big deal. Then Friday night I started getting clammy and pale and sweaty. I couldn't swallow anything (that's what she said... sorry I couldn't resist) so I laid down in bed and fell asleep at nine in the evening. I work up periodically throughout the night to try and drink some water, but nothing would go down.

Saturday morning I could not have felt worse. I couldn't move, couldn't lay on my stomach cause it hurt, couldn't swallow, i felt like an invalid. My friends tried to help me figure out what was going on. They asked me my symptoms and looked up stuff on Web MD that I thought was going to help me. Little did I know that they were looking at STD's to find out if I matched the symptoms. They went in alphabetical order and finally hit one with syphilis, and I remember one of the girls whispering... "Oh my God, he has syphilis!!" It was supposed to be quiet, but I still heard her loud and clear. The entire day Saturday went like this, with me trying (and failing) to drink some water, but it wasn't happening. I went to sleep at about 8 on Saturday night feeling absolute shit.

I awoke at noon on Sunday morning and the first thing I did was go drink some water. Not only could I make it to the water fountain, but I could actually swallow some water, and let me tell you, dorm water never tasted so good in my life. I went and ate breakfast and felt fine. None of my friends could explain what happened to me, but I went to the rec and worked out that day as if nothing happened. It was a freak incident that hasn't happened since and I hope will never happen again. Ever since then whenever I have been with a girl, I have made sure I have used a condom.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I lost my virginity to a pregnant girl.

College.. They say it's the time to experiment. Experiment with drugs, experiment with alcohol, and experiment with sex, if that's what you might get into, college is your time to throw your inhibitions to the wind and do whatever you want. I'm one of those people who said why not, and boy do I have some stories to tell. So let's begin...

all of these stories are 100% factual. As far fetched as these sound, these stories are true. Now lets get right into the story.

I was a sophomore in college, 19 years old, and a virgin. It wasn't that I hadn't had the opportunity, I just never took advantage of it when it was there. So needless to say I was sexually frustrated.

February 16th came around, a day like any other day. Went to class, went to to the rec, went to eat. I get back to my dorm room and start perusing the internet, because I don't want to start my calculus homework. I go on myspace and see that I have a new friend request. I don't recognize the girl but she leaves me the message; "gonna go to wsu in the fall, want to know some people let's chat". I look at her profile, make a quick guess that she isn't some serial killer or a porn star, and accept her request not thinking I will ever here from her again.

Well lo and behold, the next day I get a message from this young lady. So we start chatting and find out we have a few things in common. We both love baseball, we both hate the Yankees, and we both list pizza as our favorite food. So the facebook messages turn into instant messages, and I'm thinking to myself; "yay!! I have a glorified pen pal". And so it goes this way for a while, until early March, when I get an email from her with an attachment. So I open up the attachment, and it's her wearing a Ichiro Seattle Mariners jersey... and that's it.. The e-mail said, I want to come out and see the campus, might I be able to stay with you one weekend? Well I am a hot-blooded heterosexual male (even though I was a virgin), so I of course said that she could accompany me and she readily accepted.

Then spring break came, and I didn't have the internet, so the phone conversations began. My 20th birthday was during spring break, and I got heavily intoxicated. I told her that I couldn't wait for her to come down to Pullman and that I was ready to lose my virginity to her. I had already told her that I was a virgin but this was the first time that us having sex had come up. Much to my surprise the next morning, while we were talking, she was all for taking my virginity without a hesitation. That should have a been a red flag right there, but I was so focused on losing my virginity I had tunnel vision when it came to signs that this probably wasn't a female I should be associated with.

So the big weekend came and went, and I skipped all of my classes on Friday so my room would be "girl friendly". She got into town and brought her glove, so we played catch with a baseball for awhile. After that we went and had pizza (of course) and we went and got some alcohol. During the process of getting alcohol, I noticed that a basketball game that I wagered money was on.. (yep this is about sex, drugs, and gambling. now you know why they say college is the best 4 years of your life) The game was Villanova against Boston College in the 2006 Sweet 16. The game where Villanova was a 2 point favorite, so I bet that they would beat the spread, only to see the game go into overtime. Boston College was down by one and had to foul. They fouled Randy Foye, a 92% free throw shooter, bu he missed both free throws so Villanova won the game, but only by one point, so I lost the bet. I should have known right there that this weekend wasn't going to go according to plan, but again with my shortsightedness, the thought didn't even enter my brain.

So with the game over, and me a little steamed because I lost 30 bucks, I started hittin the bottle. As did the female that I was with and a couple other people as well. After two or three beers, the girl started looking a little tipsy, so I asked her how she felt. She said that her back hurt so she was taking pain medication, and was mixing it with the alcohol, so she was pretty far gone. I asked her if she wanted to go back to my place, and she readily obliged. We got back to my place and she proceeded to take my v-card. As most men know, the time that you are "inside of a woman" when you are losing your virginity is about as long as Adrian Peterson's 40-yard dash time. I was no exception to the rule, although of course I would lie about it afterward, I mean who wouldn't you don't want anyone to know how quick your 'experience' was.

Anyways, the day after, she left and I got the accolades from my friends for finally 'busting my first nut', and I thought that it was the start of something special. i kissed her goodbye as she left and went to breakfast with a friend who wanted a full recap of the night. As stated earlier, I embellished and said that I was able to last a good 15 minutes. Of course my friends didn't believe me, but they obviously couldn't prove it otherwise.

As for the girl, well as most people know, you have at least somewhat of a bond with the person you lost your virginity too. While my case is obviously the exception rather than the norm, I still felt a connection with her. So I would talk to her and she would respond, but her responses would take longer and longer, and the conversations would get further and further away, until we were talking about once a week. So I told my friend who I went to breakfast with and he just said, "look son, its obvious she just wanted to take your v-card. And I'm sure that once she got here she started having second thoughts. She was so hopped up on pain meds and alcohol that she couldn't have told you what state she was in." To which I replied "true but she was willing to fuck. She just doesn't remember being willing at the time." This quote is very famous amongst my friends and they still pull it out every once in a while when they want to make fun of me, to which of course I have no response.

In mid-April, I get back from the rec and find her online. I ask her how she's doing and she says that she has been better. I ask her why and she says that she had a mis-carriage. I feel bad for her and try to console her, not even thinking about anything else other then if she is okay. Later that evening, on the way back from dinner I told them that she had a miscarriage. Obviously the first thought that came through their heads was that I got her pregnant. When they told me this theory, which I hadn't even considered, I stopped dead in my tracks. I thought long and hard if this could be the case, and I finally came to the realization that there was no way in hell the child was mine.

After that the next logical step, they concluded, was that she was already pregnant by the time she took my virginity. This step did seem to fit in line more with the proceedings that had been going on in her life, and so, the next time she was online I confronted her. I asked how far along she was, and she said three months, which means that she was pregnant at the time. I then asked if she knew she was pregnant, to which the answer was yes. So not only did she take my virginity when she was pregnant, but she knew about it.

And that is how I lost my virginity to a pregnant girl.